Marriage Points

The "A" Marriage Points

Marriage is a commitment that is supposed to take two and make them into one. A lifelong commitment, till death do us part. Unfortunately, not every marriage makes it that long. In fact, over 2 million couples in America get divorced each year. Anything that requires a commitment also requires hard work. There are many touch points in a marriage and here are a few points for your reference.

Absense - It is important for spouses to be present in the relationship. Marriage is literally two lives becoming one. How is this possible if one spouse is absent? This doesn't mean that a long distant relationship can't be successful but it's a much harder endeavor. A gentle hug or shoulder to cry on when a spouse is hurting is not possible when one spouse is absent. Sometimes a spouse needs to see a smile from a caring partner.There is a saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. There is also a saying about out of sight out of mind.

Accusations - There are times in a relationship when accusing your spouse of doing something becomes an issue. There are also times when we should accept the blame for what we did but yet point our finger at our spouse. You must be sensitive if you are accusing or the one being accused of something and be guarded in your response. In some cases it's better to remain silent and gain your composure before you respond, especially if you are the angry type. Before accusing it's important to look in the mirror to see perhaps our wrong doing instead of jumping to accuse our spouse. Needless to say we should never make false accusations.

Admiration - Honoring and respecting our spouse is a way to show how much we admire our spouse. We should love our spouses as much as we love ourselves. You can show your admiration for your spouse by showing him or her love, honor, respect, and affection. Your smile or look on your face should show your approval and admiration for your spouse.

Adultery - Unfaithfulness in a marriage brings a lifetime of regret and consequences. It's a momentary pleasure that's not worth the damage that comes along with it. Normally, this involves an intimate relationship with someone other than your spouse. But even an intimate emotional relationship with another can be adulterous if it takes time away from our first love. Remaining faithful "til death do us part" is a serious commitment. When we look at another with lust, we are being unfaithful to our spouses. Adultery is more likely if we allow discontentment to creep into our hearts. If you can be content and satisfied with our mate, then we won't shop around. Remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Affection - We can show affection for our spouses in the way we respond to them and treat them. Love is patient and kind, Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Wanting to spend time with one another communicates our level of affection for each other. We can look for ways to please one another, for instance, wearing his or her favorite perfume or cologne. If we have indifference to our spouse we should work to rekindle the fire.

Aggravate - We should avoid aggravating our spouse and one subtle way we tend to aggravate is by ignoring a situation that is causing frustration or pain. Harsh words are also a way we aggravate our spouse. We should practice thinking before we speak and slow down before we respond to our spouse. Avoid any reaction based on anger. Anger is like a forest fire, it quickly destroys that which takes a long time to replace.

Anger - Anger has a blinding effect and shields us from what is good and right in our relationship. It also isolates us from others. Unfortunately anger can lead to violence. Anger must be dealt with quickly before it becomes bitterness, hatred, or even revenge. Kindness and forgiveness melt anger away. Reacting to anger with anger almost always intensifies the problem. Wisdom and gentleness almost always calm an angry person.

Apologize - We should always apologize to our spouse when we are wrong. An apology may not remove the wrong we have done, but it may make room for forgiveness, remove some of the pain, and bring about a restoration of the relationship. Make sure when you apologize you mean it and ask for forgiveness. Don't try to justify what you did or blame others. Deal with your wrong doing and ask for forgiveness. You need to be sincere and your future actions or behavior should backup your verbal apology. It's great to apologize but if you repeat the behavior that caused you to apologize it doesn't do much good.

Appreciation - A husband should appreciate his wife a gift from heaven and a wife should do the same. Would you rather have 10 million dollars or your spouse? I hope your answer was, my spouse. The simplest from of showing appreciation, saying "thank you" is often over looked. Find a way to say "thank you" to your spouse every day. Cultivate an appreciative heart by giving thanks regularly, consistently, and spontaneously.

Attention - We should make listening to our spouse a priority. A willing attitude helps us to pay attention to our spouse. Listening is not merely an action, it's also an attitude. As your respect for your spouse withers, so will your listening. As your love grows, so will your listening. A rebellious or proud mindset can keep us from listening. Rebellion and pride turn our affections inward. Humility turns our affections outward. We should try to understand what our spouse is saying. Hearing words and listening to their meaning are two different things.

Look for more marriage points to come!